Late night ramblings of a sleep deprived future adoptive momma...

Hearing myself say the words, “we’re adopting a little girl from another country” sounds so foreign that it almost scares me. How did this happen? How did I go from being a boring housewife/stay at home mom, to an advocate for special needs children clear across the globe? How did I become the pseudo momma to a precious little girl?

Clearly I know HOW it happened in a literal sense, but it has all happened so fast that it’s left my head spinning. I’m so excited, yet so scared…I’m so thrilled, yet so nervous! These feelings are the norm for a new mother, but I’m *not* a new mother…I’ve been a mother for nearly 10 years. I have 2 sons, I know how to be a mom, but I don’t know how to be a mom like this. I don’t know how to be ok with my baby girl being thousands of miles away, I don’t know how to be helpless while she lies in an orphanage…I don’t how to not cry my eyes out every time I see her precious picture. In a lot of ways I AM a new mom, I’m a new adoptive mom…and it’s an emotional roller coaster!

This journey didn’t happen overnight, so *why* I feel so shocked is a bit confusing. We’ve wanted this for a long, long time. We began our adoption journey over three years ago when we were trying to get pregnant with our youngest son. I have a history of miscarriage, and we suffered through a lot to have him. Shortly before I got pregnant with him, we decided to give up trying to have another biological child, and pursue adoption. The only place I was interested in adopting from was Reece’s Rainbow. My husband and I were in agreement that if we adopted, we would adopt a special needs child, and we would not adopt an infant. We wanted to give a child a shot that they otherwise might never have. Everyone wants the “perfect” blonde hair, blue eyed doll baby…everyone wants a sweet newborn to snuggle and love on. We wanted the child that everyone else overlooked, the child that WAS perfect in God’s eyes, the child who was EXACTLY who he or she was supposed to be in this world….the child that got dealt a bad hand in this world. God has given us a million second chances in our lives, it was our turn to return the favor and give a child their own second chance.

Well, I ended up getting pregnant, and for the first time in 4 years, I *stayed* pregnant and we were blessed with a gorgeous baby boy. He lit up our world and brought so much joy to us! We love our sons so much I can’t believe our hearts haven’t exploded yet…but at the same time we’ve always felt a little tug at our hearts…we’ve always heard a little whisper that said, “God has a plan for you”. During my pregnancy, during my sleep deprived nights as a mom to a new baby who had his days and nights confused, during my down time when said baby (turned crazy toddler!) took a nap…I would repeatedly find myself on RR, and it was on a random Tuesday afternoon that I saw her. The most gorgeous baby girl in the entire world…I’m sure I had looked at her photo before…but for the first time, I *SAW* her. I saw our daughter. It was the most intense feeling in the world, imagine the day you had an ultrasound done, and the tech told you that your baby was either a boy or a girl…imagine that moment when you went from being a pregnant woman to the mother of a little boy or a little girl…that moment of clarity where your future blew wide open with possibility! The moment it became real. That was MY moment when I saw her sweet picture! I immediately saved her pic to my phone, sent it to my husband, and he wrote back almost immediately, “She’s perfect.” I sent a generic email through the website requesting additional info…and I tried not to think about it too much. I was convinced she had a family lined up, convinced it couldn’t happen, I was in denial and I was in no way submitting to my Heavenly Father’s Will for my life.

Within an hour I got a response email, I was told that my info had been forwarded to the agency In charge of our girl’s case. Within 2 hours I had an email from the agency with forms attached. I printed them out and started filling them out. I contacted a homestudy social worker that had been referred to me, within an hour of placing the call I had downloaded all of my necessary forms, I had written an application fee check, I had filled out more paperwork. Within 4 hours I was back in contact with the agency and told that I could take priority in our girls case if I was financially able to move forward. I was, so forward we went! Within 24 hours of all THAT I was back in contact with the RR director and being emailed commitment forms.

WHOA.

Imagine being told a gorgeous girl like our Natasha (not her legal name, but the name we have selected for her) was available for adoption, and knowing that because you had pursued adoption previously, that you already had your foot in the door to move forward, all you had to do was say “yes”. That’s a LOT to process!

So, my husband and I had a long talk about it, and we then included our boys in the conversation. Yes our youngest is only 2 and he doesn’t understand what we’re talking about, but he needed to be involved on some level! We decided to go for it. Life is short, and this girl needs a family who can dive right in and do anything and everything that needs to be done to get her home as soon as possible. Time is of the essence when it comes to children with special needs in foreign countries. They need families, they need LOVE and they really, really need medical care, speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy….They need a fresh start.

So here we are, knee deep in paperwork, to do lists, adoption books, down syndrome awareness literature, financial statements, and we’re deeper into our Bible’s and prayer than we have been in a long time. More than we need money, or support, or encouragement…we need GOD during this process!

Please keep us in your prayers, PLEASE keep Natasha in your prayers…please send her love vibes as often as you can! I’ll be updating this blog regularly, and hopefully you will all share this journey with us!