Who could've known how bittersweet this would taste...

If I don't get a chance to say this again, Merry Christmas! My husband's family is Jewish so our kids get the ultimate holiday "hook up"
....Hanukkah presents AND Christmas presents!

As I watched my boys open presents from various people this holiday season, I couldn't help but to feel a bit of heartbreak. I'm so thrilled that my boys are having a great holiday, but my mind keeps creeping back to my sweet Natasha. What is her holiday like? Will she get a present? A new pair of warm pajamas? A toy to keep her from getting bored in her crib? Will she get picked up and hugged and kissed?

I don't know the answer to these questions, but I can assume, and reality paints an ugly picture.

My precious girl won't be sitting on Santa's lap this Christmas, she won't get dolled up in a holiday dress and have her picture taken, she won't leave cookies and milk out and wait for the sun to come up so she can open all her presents, she won't have a stocking to take down from the fireplace...she won't have Christmas.

I tell myself to focus on the GOOD...this Christmas she has a FAMILY, she has LOVE, she has so many people thinking about her...and I'm so thrilled for HER...that she has all those things, I just wish they were in the flesh, that she could FEEL the love and hugs and cuddles...she could hear the "I love yous".

She has presents under the tree. She has a stocking hanging on the mantle, these things will be tucked away in the attic, waiting for her to come home and open them.

She is cherished...

I've been keeping myself busy with school, housework, playing, crafting, and baking with the boys...running errands...I've been inventing things to do so I wouldn't have enough time to sit down and really think about how much Christmas is going to SUCK for one of my kids. As a mom, you want to see those faces light up on Christmas morning, all you want is to make your babies happy, and one of my babies is getting a bum deal this year, and it's really affecting my holiday cheer.

Please pray for me and my family as we enter into this time of celebrating the birth of Christ. I know that is the TRUE reason for the season...I just have to keep reminding myself that this time next year, my sweet girl will probably be sitting in front of the tree, shaking gifts and sneaking peeks. :)

Merry Christmas everyone!