An Orphan No More - Part Two

Part 2 will begin with our medical exams. Something that was supposed to be incredibly intense and scary, for me at least. To make a long story short, when I had my chest xray done at my local doctor, they discovered a 3mm nodule on one of my lungs. Due to this they ordered a CT scan, where they determined that the nodule was nothing. Russia was not convinced so I had to get a slew of letters and such to carry with me to my medical exam here in country. So, we get to the building where our medical exams will be taking place. We literally walked 30 minutes uphill to get there, and being a fattie, this didn't sit well with me! LOL Anyhoo, we get to the building and my friend and I had to pee so we ask where the bathroom is. 

Ok, let's stop right there for a minute. Friends in the US, please take a moment to go thank your toilet. Hug it. Tell it how you really feel because there may come a day where such a convenience ceases to exist. That day came for me when I traveled this journey the first time. We're talking holes in the floor for toilets...peeing with your fingers crossed that you don't accidentally pee all in your jeans...it ain't pretty. This building, however, had a legit flushable toilet. The door barely closed and in the stall was a window...like a floor to ceiling window...with no blinds...that overlooks the street where Alexander, Nikoli, Natasha, Olga, and everybody else gets a first hand view of you doing your business. Fun. Times.

So potty time is over and we survive but with far less dignity than we had walking into the bathroom but no time to dwell on that, we have to get evaluated by 8 doctors! Let's go!

We walk into a room that to me resembled a basketball court, but without the baskets...maybe a better picture would be the room where they held dances when you were in high school. In this room Dave and I, and the 2 friends who rode with us to the medical exam, met up with the other 2 couples from our hotel. We're all standing around chatting, 8 doctors are sitting at a little table talking to each other in Russian, and the 8 of us Americanski's are trying to keep calm and are just really thrilled with the fact that we're all in this together.

Reunited, and it feels so goooooooood!

So, our happy chat gets interrupted by an evil looking Russian woman. She was mean folks...she was REAL mean...and she had her sights set on ME. She was yelling at me in Russian, and I was staring back at her like this:

Our translator rushes over and starts translating everything scary Russian doctor lady is saying.

The conversations was as follows (while she's going through my TWENTY SEVEN scans from my CT scan...)

Scary Lady: WHY DO YOU HAVE A LUNG NODULE?!

Me: I don't know...my doctor at home said it's from living in the Mississippi River Valley, that a lot of people have them and their harmless.

Scary Lady: NYET!!! (That means no, folks...) I RESEARCHED YOUR PAPERWORK YOU ARE NOT FROM RIVER VALLEY YOU ARE FROM CHICAGO!

Me: Yes, originally, I grew up there, I've been in Tennessee for 5 years.

Scary Lady: YOU HAVE FACTORIES IN CHICAGO. YOU WORK AT ONE? YOU WORK AT A *FABRIC* FACTORY?!

Me: No Ma'am, I've never worked in a factory...

Scary Lady: REFINERIES!!!!!!!!! YOU HAVE REFINERIES IN CHICAGO, YES?!

Me: Yes! Across the lake in Gary, IN...lots of refineries!

Scary Lady: OK...THAT FROM WHERE NODULE COMES...(stares back and forth from scans, to me...thoroughly disgusted)...OK, YOU PASS. GO.

Me: (runs like hell back to my group)

My husband, and my friends are busting up cackling at me as I tell my tale of fear. Apparently a horrified Cilla is hysterical. They were about to get theirs though. :D

So while I was being interrogated one of our people had been called back to a little room...we nicknamed it the Red Room of Pain (some of you might get that, some might not...lol) You get called back one at a time...when she came out she informed us that you indeed do go topless, but it's not that serious they poke your belly like you're the pillsbury dough man and you move on. 

Ok. That's not so bad...I can do that. So a few more people go into the red room of pain, then it's my turn. I go behind a THIN divider and I'm ordered to strip of my shirt and bra. Ok, not so awful, if it wasn't for the fact that on the other side of the THIN DIVIDER sat my friend *and her husband* answering questions. So up went a prayer for the divider NOT to fall while I was nakie...and then the exam started.

For those who are waiting to travel for court, who are completely horrified of the medical exam/stripping. Please let me tell you it is NOTHING. Seriously, not a big deal...it IS however hysterical...and you will walk out of there with some GREAT stories to tell! 

Back to my exam, I'm swarmed by female doctors (four to be exact), one is listening to my breathing, one is essentially just feeling me up, and two are scratching my back(yes, really) and telling me I have pretty skin. I'm all for a good back scratch so at this point I'm loving this medical exam! The finish up and tell me to put my shirt and bra back on and send the  male doctor in. This dude was a trip, everyone thought he was nuts, I thought he was awesome! LOL He asks me if I have a disease in my brain (I wanted to say yes, I'm a zombie...but I thought sarcasm wouldn't go over well so I just said no.) Then he tells me to follow his finger with my eyes...up, down, left right...Then he tells me to close my eyes, put my feet together, and squat. At this point I know this dude is messing with me, but I do what he says and I don't fall over and when I stand up he's like "GOOD!" and tells me to sit in the chair.

He then calls in David and they're fussing over him because his blood pressure was a little high, he explains that he's nervous and they're like "do you have a headache?!" "ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE?!" I am dying in my chair laughing my &^% off and he is shooting me looks, like "you better be scared to go to sleep tonight" looks! Some other hysterical things happen, which David has made me SWEAR never to repeat, then he was done too and we took our place at the little table to be questioned by the shrink and the drug counselor. They asked some pretty basic questions, why adopt, why special needs, what do your other kids think, etc. The drug counselor asked us if we drink often, if we drink alone, if we smoke pot, lol....nyet, nyet, nyet...and we were done!

This ended up being longer than I planned, so i'll cover court in part 3, as I need to head off to the orphanage now to hang out with my girl! I'll leave you with some visit 3 pics!