Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Why I Go Back

So it has come to my realization that people think I'm insane. The way I know this is because several people have said "you're going to adopt ANOTHER kid with special needs? YOU'RE INSANE!"

Well, I guess on the one hand, I'm completely nuts, but on the other hand...I'm so incredibly blessed to travel this journey again.

I know, I know...

It's SO much work! 

It's so DIFFICULT! 

It's SO EXPENSIVE!

I won't even get into the detailed way my faith impacts my decision to adopt (you see, there was this cross...) that's a post for another day. Let's just keep this nice and super simple. Two years ago a little girl became my daughter. She was almost 4 years old, she couldn't sit, stand, walk, run, talk, eat, communicate, etc. 

She had dead eyes.

She banged her head into the wall until it bled.

She bit me, pulled my hair, banged her head into mine...she had no idea how to react to having a mother. 

What in the world is a MOTHER? 

Who is this lady who never leaves? She changes my diapers, she brings me food, she doesn't hit me, she doesn't yell in my face, she rocks me back and forth, I don't know what this is...but I think I like it...

But NOW? Now she is full of LIFE! She is a sweet, sassy individual who expresses her feelings, sometimes negative, sometimes positive. Tonight, we snuggled, I brushed her long blonde hair. We had pizza for dinner. 

I just handed her a slice, she can feed herself now.

She wanted a popsicle for dessert.

"What color would you like, Kay?"

"Red."

She knows her colors, she can say her colors, she has a favorite color.

It's purple.

So, why would I be crazy enough to do it all again? The fundraising, the worrying, the working REALLY hard to get them  home, just to work even harder once they're here? To sign up to spend a nice chunk of my life sleeping in a chair in a hospital room at Vanderbilt. To spending part of my day scheduling appointments, teaching basic life skills, and loving with a patience I never knew I was capable of possessing? 

Because one day that tiny, broken, orphan will blossom into a loved child who walks up to me and asks for a red popsicle, just like any other kid in the world. That's what all of this is about, buying back a life, transforming someone unwanted into just your average kid who wants to sit on moms lap and eat dessert while watching cartoons before daddy tucks them in at night.

Sometimes being crazy has a really simple explanation. ;) 


2 comments:

  1. I thinkk we should be best friends!!! You speak my language!!! Many hugs and prayers for you on this journey and I can't wait that baby in your arms :) I would love to connect with you as friends!! God ble
    Tamijoysisemore@aol.com on fb childofmyheart@aol.com email

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