Six Days

We are so, so happy to announce that we will be leaving in six days to go make Kenzi officially ours forever. <3 We have gone through so much to get to this point. Every single thing that could go wrong did, and even though this process has left me broken, I'm proud to say we pushed through all the roadblocks, we jumped through every fiery hoop, and somehow we came out the other side. I'll never be the same person I was before I saw Kenzi's picture last December. To be honest, I don't remember what life was like before I saw that picture. I can't imagine waking up and not have 100,000 things to do, to worry about, to cry about. I don't remember what it's like to not filter everything, to not worry about who's going to send me a nasty message because I posted a picture of my 2 year old in Chuck E. Cheese ("Why are you fundraising for your adoption when you're wasting money on your other kids?")...I don't remember what it's like to have friends I can really talk to, because everyone is so sick of this adoption process, no one wants to hear another single thing about it, yet it's consumed my life to a point that I can barely talk about anything else...so we just stop talking altogether. The process was rough, and expensive. Financially expensive, emotionally expensive...we paid a heavy price for this little girl.

And we would do it all over again tomorrow, without a second thought.


Not a single thing that we have lost has been worth what we're gaining when we hear our judge say she is ours forever. We've lost friends, we've lost family, we've lost money, sanity, and more...none of that matters. People come and go all your life, money comes and goes...she will be my daughter forever so she is worth EVERYTHING we've dealt with, and more.


I've spent the past week trying to shake off all the bad feelings I have towards various people and situations that have made this process harder than it needs to be...and today I woke up and just decided to bury it, all of it, and start fresh. None of it matters, all that's important is getting my girl home. There is so much to look forward to, so why even think about the past.


So now, it's time to get excited!!! In 6 days I'll be boarding a plane to New York City, somewhere my husband has never been. It's going to be exciting to see his reaction to the city. :) We won't have long there, but on the way home we have a layover and I found a night-time city tour and we're hoping we get to take it...he'll love it! I hate flying (mostly just the take-off...I tend to chill once we're leveled out) but it is nice to have that one on one time with Dave, even if it's just being silent, watching a movie...we don't get a lot of that at home. We absolutely love Kenzi's city...I'm so excited to get back to our cozy little hotel! We had so much fun last time just being together. We spent a lot of time just hanging out and talking, playing cards, going for walks...it was so good for our relationship and I can't wait to do it again. 

And Kenzi....sweet, precious Kenzi...I can't wait to get her in my arms again. The level to which I missed her shocked me. Yes I love her, and yes I want to make her mine forever, but in those 5 days we spent with her, it was like she had ALWAYS been mine. I fell head over heels in love with her and being separated from her has been agonizing. I hope and pray the judge has a soft heart and lets my baby come home with me so I will NEVER have to be apart from her again. 

It's so nice to feel *happy* again...to finally start coming out of my adoption funk. It's been hard, and like someone told me this process isn't for the faint of heart. It will break you, knock you down, and kick you in the stomach but it's the most incredible proof that in the end love wins, and your child comes home, and that makes it all worth it. 

Just six more days sweet girl, then we're coming to make you an orphan no more. <3